Let’s start with a list of things to do
Then we’ll get on to another list of things to do
In the misinformation news you have the right to view things as you choose
You have the right to remain assured of your prejudices
You have the right to an opinion, if you can’t afford an opinion one will be provided for you
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do could be used against you in a court of law
Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?
With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak?
Now that we’ve been repri-merandized for our behavior what look-see have you got in your mouth?
Out of the car
Hold your arms out like you’re poor, spread eagle for the flag, cough if you’ve got problems,
Eyes open for blinding, follow the light, follow the light. Great. Now close them to injustice.
Walk ten steps in a dead straight line, helps with the crosshairs.
Now shake what your mother gave you for posterity sake. The guys will love this.
License and registration, passport, birth certificate, social security card, telephone number, email, home address, mailing address, Mother’s maiden name, name of your first pet? Don’t give me that look, that face is going in the book, see this is for your security. Now read these obscured letters so we know you’re not a bot.
Now that you’re secure, I’ve got a lot of spam for you, but reception’s spotty so it might take a while to load. Buffer him.
We know what you do in incognito mode.
Dog’s don’t know it’s not bacon.