Dear Idiot Dome

Dear Idiot Dome,

I’d like to submit the following piece for the Idiot Dome.

We begin with extension, of the lower legs, a stretching, if you will, of the soul

And each by confession must call it obsession with a foot they place at the back of their head

Toward the nape, now and stretch out something good and beautiful inside

That rocks you like an Earthquake- no biggie

Just that common shudder as you walk through the door

Or sitting at work staring, blank as a desk with a screen

And ponder your life as a whole

I’m teaching Mixby on Thursday, you should all come

I’m swallowing vamp wires and here wolves for ecstatic effect

What do you have that I can swallow?

Asked the Nightingale?


Ever more whistling with my mistress

Calls me nightly, side by side

We tink about, on little toeses, we minx all out our noses

‘til we’re bottom red and frighted by chairs

Oh! We’ve got stares for your misters

Go ahead, look at him. Isn’t he FANTASTIC?!

Oh, gosh, nah, hunny, I can understand

We’ve got looks for the ladies

Can you give her a look, yeah, like a look, I mean, a real look

Lookin’ good that look of yours

Look at her, Gentlemen!

Look at the splendor of- WHOA!

Man, is that a mean little glare you got from over there?

Hey you, dear, pretty queer eyed I’d fancy that

You fancy, and Nancy here would like to ask you a question.

Hey, go ahead Nancy,

Before Nancy starts, let’s all sing us a song, for Nancy- with a laughing face

No but for real, now go ahead,

Any question.

We’re waiting…

Gosh this is uncomfortable isn’t it? This little tat I did on tit

All over your face

Oh I’ve become passive aggressive?! Oh haven’t you ever sung about your fables?

Your biblical tales, your Anne of Green Gables?

Garble it, gentlemen, turn off your whoopsie taps

And let it be said that not a man among us cried like a baby last night in the arms of surrender

Because most of us were alone, and Goonies never say die, Goonies never surrender

Especially not our broken parts, dashed Pooh’s honey pots in a fit of rage for more Honey.

The bear is hungry for some honey but the bunny’s not got a hole big enough to swallow him

Some chim chim cherree is what we chiefly need, salt and vinegar chips with dunkaroo dips

And hidden valley dreams of sour cream, hey where did they hide that valley anyway?

Seems to me they ain’t gone broke about by stone

They singin’ man, down in some valley somewhere

All ranch like and dressin’ fancy on some greenly leavin’s

Leavened some bread up like the heavens,

Them biscuits is gravy.

I never liked gravy, not on Sundays, not after 3 days in the refrigerator

You ain’t James Spader look alike, you a player

So give up the grift, the gift for gravely

Some tune about songs clinkin’ like- maybe

I don’t know son, we haven’t talked too much, lately.

I’ve got ninety dollar dreams but I can’t catch a pay-day

Co-pay pop, forget about it, sign it and date it

Turnin’ on just so’s we could get faded.

I rated you 5-stars, liked you, commented, followed you and tagged everything with that hash

Harshin’ up daddy’s with that trash, honey?

Talkin’ ‘bout your mother’s dreams of becoming a mother made you

Progenating yourself through intuition, your great-great grand pa thought he’d get a dowry for dating your great great grand daughter, but I’m my own grandpa and it’s great, they’re great, that’s just what great great grand pappy’s grand ma’s are grand for, mine’s dead, hey can I have yours?

Ricki ticki the tembo- couldn’t play on his tuba at tempo, he was half a step under and a whole beat behind

His mother’s and dadder’s sure thought he sung fine, but little Ricky Ticky the Tembo and Mic Rourke and Ricky Lake decided to take their god damn sweet time getting ready for your date to the prom, standing in the driveway with bobombs and pom poms, explosive sibl-ing syllables cheerleading Ricki Ticki the Tembo, , No sah rembo like Rambo, cherry rooching his pet stone, Mr. pip drinking his red bones.

It was all very sudden and inspiring, terrifying and delightful for me to see my roommates, parked outside my garage with a fence in their way and pitchforks, this was after the fact that I’d drenched myself with debt, lowered my corpse into a living body and clicked on my jopperwheels for a mating effect, it sounded like a crickets, Who will want me? Whispered the River, and the Ocean said “I do” but the river was like ”oh damn, you salty” and that is why the Salmon Swim upstream, The very foam of life, orgiastic sprays of offspring and cum intermingling in the mother waters, the stuff of life, that’s so fucking gross.

Who wants to knife me?

Life me? Maybe? Wife me?

Christ! Lady of our sacred heart sacrifice your children in horrific ways, God did it, to himself. No one got the memo, God looked at all of us, and said “fuck this, I’m out” couldn’t wait for the next iphone, put himself in a human body and made himself drive stakes into his hands and feet and let him lurch upward towards the heavens to catch a breath of air on the mangled interwebbings of his ligaments, limbs and loss of blood was had at dinner. And the lord cried in an agony the world has never known before, nor since. That’s the way to do it, Gods, vampires, werewolves, a good piece of wood and a good piece of metal and WHAMMO- dead god, what’ya know? Amazing I know. Whhoooooop!


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