VH1 Where are they Now: Kermit the Frog (Episode 1)

[“Theme from The Muppet Show” plays, along with shots of Kermit’s first steps, classic Kermit scenes from his films, television shows, live concerts and interviews, a clip from a radio interview with Jack Par Kermit says while a shot of him in a black leather jacket and a pair of dark sunglasses.]

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“The Muppet Babies, man, those were the days.  Forgetting our Muppet selves, embracing the Muppet child within, we were young then, and you know, I think that’s really what it was all about, staying young and fun.”

[The Storyteller in his room with his dog by his side and the fire roaring.]

[That youth is all but gone from Kermit’s eyes.”

[Cut to a clip of Kermit in a park by the water with New York City in the background.]

“I Love you, but You’re bringing me down”

[The Narrator standing in front of the stage in the original Muppet Show Theatre.  Well dressed in a tweed three piece suit with a bowtie, beard and large glasses, a la Fritz Wetherby, only younger but with awkward somewhat Muppet-ish look about him.]

“An instant Kermit Classic on all the Pop Charts.

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Ever since leaving The Muppet Show, Kermit has been leading a generation in a new wave of pure Alternative Muppet Magic.  After his Missippi Delta Lilly Pad Blues Tour, Kermit hopped his way into the International Pond when he landed an Olympic Gold Medal in every Swimming Event Including Water Polo and Diving.  Since then his debut rap album “No, It Ain’t” has gone triple platinum and his cleaning product “Easy Green” has become a household staple and the poster child for environmentally safe cleaning products everywhere.

Snoring safely beside him Ms. Piggy couldn’t be more delighted with her husband’s success and has gone on to open her own line of clothing “Porc”.  The two were wed soon after the Supreme Court’s decision to extend marriage rights to consenting species of any kind.  A tremendous victory for attorneys Gonzo & Rizzo.

“I just thought to myself, I’ve been sleeping away my life” says Kermit, whom had been known on the set as a bit of a Muppette man.”

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[The band pit in a theatre on Broadway, for a new John Cameron Mitchell Rock Opera “Puppet Holes”]

“I mean, you know, the ladies were just attracted to him,” –Janice of Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem  “he was so cool, you know- to the touch, and always a little slimy.  The Swedish Chef had a thing for his legs, but, I mean, who didn’t?  Bunsen said if you lick him you ‘trip your balls off’ or something.  I think that’s why Beaker’s so fucked up.  But that just made him more badass.  Kermit would come over to the sound pit between takes and we’d just, you know… I mean, everyone, everyone was doing frog back then.  Those were the days right?”

But not all was right for The Muppet’s biggest Star…

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After the break:

[Ralph on the keys, daytime in a dark jazz club, smokes a cigarette intermittently between songs, sips a dark ale, ashtray on top of the piano along with a coaster for his beer.]

“Yea it’s a good life for the Big Green, least it was back in the day.  He still pops in every so often, hops in with the band, a banjo solo or two and bounces.  You know, the guy’s been through a lot.  Doesn’t say much when he does come in, but he plays some mean river blues.  Frog get’s down, and for a moment you can almost see him smile atop a high E sharp, playin’ some Muddy Waters…  God I love that frog…  It all changed after Jim died.  He was inconsolable, wouldn’t get out of bed most days.  Didn’t help that he and Miss Piggy were separated, they weren’t married yet in those days.  I think she and Frank were fooling around again or something in those days.  Anyway one day he got up, grabbed is banjo, took off in the Great Fog of ‘92 and we didn’t see him again til Hoggle finally found him in a bog somewhere.  The two stank for ages, let me tell you.  It’s not easy being Green, Fuck!  It wasn’t easy being a dog around those two.  I mean you know, havin’ a good nose can run you into trouble, but I’d rather be back in San Quentin after my coke run, then get near whatever infernal stench that was.”

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[An anonymous witness who’s black silhouette bears a striking resemblance to Sam the Eagle.]

“Nobody took Jim’s death very easily, but none took it harder than Kermit.  The two were very close if you take my meaning, and there was a big scare for all of us.  The 80’s were a very scare time in the gay community.  It wasn’t until ’89 that we discovered that the virus wouldn’t effect any of us…  Or at least, most of us.  Sal always seemed to attract one thing or another, I mean the guy’s name is Sal Minella.  But we never imagined that it would get that bad.  Oddly animal testing seemed to work in his favor though and he’s ok.  He’s in Africa now doing some really great work in Jungle communities.”

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[Clifford sits in his beach front home in Jamaica, little Cliffords run through the screen door.  He holds a fat jay in one hand, taking long drags and sipping coconut milk from a coconut]

“Kermit approached me in ’93 about hosting a new project- I mean, of course I accepted, you can’t say ‘no’ to the guy, plus, who could say ‘no’ to a deal like ‘Muppet’s Tonight’.  He was still upset over Jim’s passing but I think he felt responsible to the fans, felt like we all needed a bit of a pick-me-up.  Muppet’s Tonight definitely did that, and it was all Kermit.  Ya man, all Kermit.  It was his way of saying goodbye to Jim, and, I think, we didn’t realize then, but also to the rest of us…”

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