Sometimes [Blank] is the Appropriate Response…

I have been known to be a raptor in my time, they say that my musings on the meaning of life, the nature of truth and the problem of existence are what spawned the raptor philosopher meme. In the name of raptors round the world I ask that you please not exterminate us. We seek only to live in peace with the occasional human meal, though typically we prefer smaller prey such as croissants or a fancy London Broil.

Sincerely,
A Representative of the Brooklyn Philosophers – Raptor Chapter.

[To which she responds:]

“As long as your lot stays the hell off of my lawn, we’re peachy-keen. Otherwise, I’ll have to start picking you off with my 12 gauge.”

[To which I responded with:]

Can’t we all live in peace? I think Mario did it best, riding raptors Golden Axe style so they can eat all your enemies. What better way to fend off the onslaught of undead attackers in the impending zombie apocalypse than a velociraptor mount? While I cannot say that we are immune to the zombie virus I am quite certain that our scales are impervious to human human teeth and/or nails. And depending upon which Ninja turtle shell is in our vicinity we can alternately breathe fire, fly, spit the back out like bullets or stomp really hard on the ground. Far more versatile and friendly than a 12 gauge shotgun.

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