I’m only fucking pissed -DO NOT PUBLISH NO MATTER WHAT-

Silence is the simplest way to forget
For then you may never hear from me again
Closing your eyes is the simplest way to forget
For then you will never remember.

Busy bees we must be to forget so frequently
The love twixt you and me
What a terrible poem
I’m just pissed waiting for a word from you, forget it I’ve already said it, already explained.
I don’t know how you feel and I guess it doesn’t much matter if you loved me all along or came to keep warm awhile whilst lighting a flame. It’s gone now, far and away is this new Hampshire cold, no more will winter blow at your door no more need for me to be there when you open it. I can see it in your smile the wider all gone in your eyes where the sparkle once shimmered. Not for me any more at least. Desperate thoughts please leave me alone. I shook you off years ago- I thought. Torture me no more lie to me even less. DO NOT PLAY WITH ME, I’VE BEEN TOYED WITH ENOUGH! I am sure you meant no harm, I am sure you had only love and the best intentions in your heart, but know dear what your every word means to me, how invaluable I find your voice, your touch. I would not trade it for all the world but to be rid of it I must gladly accept for tis inhumane what it does to me, what angel doth visit upon this human being. It took seven years to get you out of my head, my heart, and with but three words you’re back again. You must be fucking with me right? Because you are. You must be Fucking kidding right? Because maybe that would be kinder. This must be some big FUCKING joke right? Fill me in so I can laugh at how fucking pathetic I am. You don’t understand, you never understood, how much you mean to me. But I guess I’ve never understood either why I matter much at all, if I do, to you. I’m pissed because this wound just healed, the scars just faded, I found love again in my life and guess what I threw it away because I wanted something better thought there must be someone better than the one I love, she’s leaving so so am I. I’ll never have you and now you’re taunting me from 3000 miles. I’m done! I’ve said my piece, the ball is yours, I’m moving on, I can’t do this any more, I always left the door open but I never thought you’d come back in. I should have closed it. FUCK! I want you so badly, and almost as much I want you to leave me the Fuck alone so I can be miserable and maybe eventually again someday I can find somebody to love who’ll love me in return, and maybe I can be happy and be content with what I have without making comparisons to the love we once shared. That was highschool, I was a different person then and yet highschool Michael Leahcim as I had called him has returned to bare this anger and this frustration. You get me drunk and stay with me through the night though you say you have to go, you call me at 1am to ask for help with class but really you’re still in love with me and sing me a song about calling up a former lover and what would they say? What am I supposed to do with that? I answered your questions I filled in the blank spaces of our past. You say you can’t stand being without me, talk to me incessently, buy a plane ticket because you HAVE to see me again, and then when school starts (and hey I know it’s busy) suddenly the “I love you’s” stop, suddenly you don’t want me coming out, you do but you really don’t, suddenly life is good again and the moment is gone and you’re totally fine, you aren’t, but you are. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Not apologizing I’m just pissed at having been so fooled or foolish.

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