A Patient Betwixt Worlds

I’m sorry
I’m just dying
Inside out and from 3000 miles away
It takes a lot for a heart to pump so far
So much.
The doctors say I’ll make it…
I’m just scared with all these tubes running in and out
This constant beeping that tells me
“you’re still alive”
I can’t believe them with these plugs in my wrists
And up my nose and in my dick
I can’t stand the bland nature of my food
These protein shakes that imitate
What my insides know should be real
They can feel the insulin pumping in
And sedatives to calm my rage
Else I would die-
Or break free of this cage.
I’m so sorry, that I’m not really dying
I’m just on life support right now
Against my will.
This patience fantasy
Is to be free of this twilight zone
This inbetween state
Let go of this modern life to find a something, perhaps a nothing
A whatever unknown
Or
Even the hard concrete I once knew as a child running free in fields up vales and hills and down them ‘nto familiar homes.
But not these tubes tying me down from the inside out, keeps the fires of my heart low and cold
So take not these words of an undying unwiseman as truth nor only as cries of pain, they are the but the night sweats of a feverish fool strapped to a bed with fake lungs and tubes, they are the nightmares of the sedated whom cannot fully enjoy love and yet in dreams only are in it, all I want is a better change for the better or worse.

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