Because there is no other way to let this all out, I’ll tell my fingers to type, type out typify typize
My foes feelings
Can’t let this deluge of emotional availability keep seeping in
I’m so awake
So aware of the circumstances offered by this world,
Opportunities for human connection that lay in wait around each corner
Amongst each and every conversation, human interaction
Can’t help but feel judged by a world judging
Judges sat on benches sat with hammers
I can’t tell you of the countless times I look into another human being’s eyes
And instantaneously want to cry, because they are dead, asleep, unaware
Cry long hard and undrying tears down my warm rosy cheeks
Because we have just experienced life and living.
I don’t cry here, I don’t cry at every corner when beings bear theirselves to my being
I’m afraid it might make you feel uncomfortable
Might make you uncomfortable to see someone whole
A whole someone, just wandering around, wondering what might happen
If we all woke up
And spoke up
About the ways we really feel, about the things that were really said.
We’d get angry
Upset that things had
Upset our way of life.
I am a bull in a china shop,
If I were to see red
I would destroy all
Fragile surroundings can’t keep the beast within safely
I’ll cry someday that I’m not crying
I’ll cry someday that instead I’ think I’m dying
Like the river, developments surrounding
Encroaching on my flow
I think I’ll cry someday from the fact that I haven’t, we haven’t, no one has
I’ve got it all, feelings,
Feelings that I made up, feelings that I know were placed by a person, a body, a space
Placed inside to tell me when to love and then when to back right off
Knew how new love might grow if held aloft, outside my door like a lantern in the fog, holding out for strangers, kindly — danger
Danger will robinson, can’t you get your drink on?
Danger Will Robinson, robinson crusoe says he doesn’t think so
Thinks likes he knows he’s told
Check’s his hand, is he gonna stay swing, check set, bet or fold
Can’t sense my fingers without my eyes
Can’t feel my fingers anymore
Can’t tell them what to do like I did before
Can’t tell them to hold on for dear life
Can’t hold on in your arms
They say when you are lonely look to the ants for then your friends are many, or perhaps these drones have more in common with your mundane existence than you originally thought.
Close my eyes and no one will know, no one will see me, closing my eyes at night.
I’m doin’ alright my friend lied conspicuously, only thinly veiling enough to know the skins on the pudding, the make ups only skin deep, can’t even shake the feelin’ that he’s not feelin’ ok. Can’t even take that he’s takin’ it all in for the judgement day when god will demand of him why?
When you could’ve- why didn’t you fly?
When you should’ve- why didn’t you try?
“I’m ok” he responded, guilty in his lack of love for self or human races when at the tracks and the rabbits on the loose, ridin’ down the track, just a hide with nothing to lose.
“I’m ok” he denied it, “I’m ok” he responded like he was told to, keep them out can’t keep them close, because he’s gonna do something that you all call human, gonna do somethin’ reckless with the way he feels about it. Just silent struggle, if they see it put a spin on, you cooking and chopped some onion, don’t forget the saline bottle in the back pocket, gonna find the time to take down the construct of this human imagi-motion.
Silent ‘bout the men in the other room making up their mysteries, decisions to be made and waylaid upon a history
They gotta pick the plain view thinkin’ that their’s some rhythm-method to the madness they made up some money to be played like they had some, more, more
Gotta grab the tongue of the dragon and pull it in vs. the breath of disaster, ill fortune comes to those that wary of hot air don’t go there and grab life by the tail hair
Don’t forsake, get up til you make make a rhythm and a beat that they can’t stop even when they turn up the heat, cause the microwave’s buzzin’ and the oven is on, don’t know body think that god-daddy is gone. We’re alone nigger, and you think that they can save you, this green wad of bills wafting out in front of your gills is for your protection, ease, wonderment and safety, it’s safely saving lives from poverty, clearly, here they know precisely what we all do, work more more money do what you’re told to. I’m only chained by the walls that hold me, disembold me against a field of grey, just melt right in it’s the biggest question, how you gonna think you’re gonna win, when winnin’s a sin lest you’re goin all in and the bets are against your favor.
No more stepping over boarders, borders, limits, lanes and highways, freeways tastes blood for those creative days.